Stuck

you took me hand
you held me close
my heart stopped beating
i was reaching, reaching
i want it so badly
what you have so easily
you make it look so simple
so easy
but all i can do is think about
how i can't
i can't
i won't
but i want to
i must
i can
i will
because i want to
i need to
i need you
and what you have
but just like that
it's gone in a flash
you and your charm
your warm hand and funny mind
off you go
off i go
ships passing on a sea
not forever, but for now
i need to
i can't
i must
i won't....

i'm stuck

Things I Love - December 15-22, 2008

My 3 favorite loves this week:

1) Persuasion, by Jane Austen

Anyone who knows me know I adore Jane Austen. Her novels are so proper and old-fashioned, they make me want to step back 200 years and join her heroines in their many (mis)adventures. At the same time, the books are poignant and relevant to me (a 19 year old American male), and manage to charm the socks off me every time I open one. And perhaps make me want to cry, too.

I read Persuasion in 4 days; it's the shortest of Austen's novels and I breezed through it like there was no tomorrow, eating up every word and delighting in every page. Anne Elliot is perhaps the most patient of Austen's heriones... she is both endearing and relentlessly hopeful, two traits I can only dream of obtaining. Anne sustains her hope for years before seeing any kind of payoff, and when she does, it's not what you would think. Persuasion is chock full of chatty ladies and cunning men, including Anne's laughingly pompous father Sir Walter, and the lovely and bedridden Mrs. Smith. The book is perfect for this time of year - it offers up a tale of patience and love, of promise and hope, of sorrow and rejoicing. It's a story worth reading - perhaps even again and again.

2) The New Layout of My Dorm Room

Haha, I know... this isn't something you can check out for youself, but I wish you could see it. While the room is certainly not any larger, it feels bigger. Our beds are bunked and our desks are against one wall, leaving plenty of viewing room for the TV (which results in sprawling movie parties), a dresser top for preparing food (ie coffee in my case), and room for a bookshelf where I can finally, and proudly, display my beloved TV series of Gilmore Girls and The OC. There's even room to dance.

Which, you know, sometimes needs to happen.

3) Next Semester's Classes

Next semester is almost here - it starts a month from today. And while I still have Christmas break to enjoy before taking up residence in, and enjoying the gum under, my new desks, I can't help but feel excited for a new season. Next semester's classes include:

General Psychology
Family Relations
Food Principles (and lab)
Intro to the Hospitality Industry
Physical Geography 2 (and lab)

Which together result in 17 credits, a perfect amount for me. I'm excited to begin the specialized classes designed for my major (Family Relations, Intro to Hospitality Industry, and Food Principles) and better prepare myself for the career path I have ahead of me. January may bring more chills and homework, but I will choose to look at the bright side of things... AKA the sweaters and dreaming of Hermione that I can get out of it. And because at the end of next semester's courses, lies an even greater reward than Christmas - the unyeilding, loving, cheerful, sunshiny wonderfulness also known as summer.

Less = More

my mind is a mire
of places that tire
give me strength and give me grace
take me to another place

i trust in you
my favorite friend
you stand by me
until the end

people go
you just shine
for what's less is more
and what's more is mine

Things I Love - December 8-15, 2008

Three things I simply cannot survive without this week:

1) Coldplay

One of the first bands I loved is still one of my top picks. The rediscovery of this summer's "Viva La Vida" has my toes tapping and my eyes searching for inspiration in everyday things. While some of the songs bring back fond summer memories for me, others are suited well for winter, such as "Violet Hill", which sings of a longlasting war. "Death And All His Friends" tells us that there are better things than death or loneliness, and we will find them if we "dream of making our escape".

While any of the songs are appropriate at pretty much any time, it's refreshing once again to listen to a band with so much talent. The songs are rhythmic and full of wonder. I often find myself thinking profound things or making bold and daring plans while enjoying Coldplay's many fine musical offerings. It's inspiring and a wonderful shake up to what I had been listening to throughout autumn.

2) Finals

I know, I know... final exams are tiresome and dull. But once they are over, they're over! I am ready for a change in classes and pace, and next week cannot come soon enough.

Also, in my nerd-ish sort of way, it's fun to go to the library for hours at a time and study, like the nearly 4 hours I spent there tonight. I keep looking for Hermione, but I haven't spotted her yet. I'll let you know if I do.

3) Sweaters

Maybe I'm being a bit overindulgent in my sweater collection, but who doesn't like sweaters? I have so many (too many?) and every day brings a tough new decision of which one to wear. It simply brings joy to my heart when I walk out into the snow covered landscape and comfortably shiver a tiny bit within my charming cotton garb. My favorite sweater pick (at least this week)? My Aslan sweater, a lovely gray concoction featuring a proud lion front and center who looks suspiciously like Aslan. Was my sweater actually made in Narnia? Did an elderly Lucy Pevensie craft it before she passed on? Will it continue to shrink too fast, as it has been because I wash it so often? These questions may not be answered right away (or ever) but I do know one thing: sweaters make the season bring even more gladness to me than it does otherwise. And that's saying something...

Thanks

I know, I know... Thanksgiving was over a week ago now... but I'm still drawn to be thankful for all I've been given, especially in the form of friends. I feel so unworthy of them. I'm clumsy and awkward and not always kind, but they don't seem to care. They stick by me till the end - and they know who they are. The Africans, ADMA, the homeschoolers, The Family, and more... they see me through my troubled times - and bring joy when we are happy. It's a treat and a honor to know that they consider me their friend. And I am thankful for them more and more as the days go on.